Thursday, 18 October 2007
when i read jingen's recent post, i recall how i've to deal with the 'cruel' fact that i had to be one of the 'irregular' patrons of the Ipoh General Hospital or Hospital Besar Ipoh, very probabily for LIFE.
i've so far been to
(oh so norm to them....)
(and i saw hands...legs....head...GASP!)
(nyek nyek...ah...how many months oledi?xxxxxand i was looking at breech presentation and bla....but hey.more on those cancers you know, monday was the day...H*LL! my next appontment is on monday!why??!!)
(turn this side please...move abit..ok...steady...*growls*...and my sprained ankle was twisted in awkward position in a painful way for it...)
not forgetting, A&E....
(extremely cold man! not like the wards above...)
after diagnosed at the age of 14,everything was 'exciting' for the then naive me...then,slowly,it began to sink in that,it could be a wayyyy bigger problem than that...
(flash to present: thankfully,when vic learnt that,he didn't leave me =") thank you! but you can imagine how silly it was for him to accompany me going in O&G...hahahaahah!!!the thought was sooo funny)
anyway,it will, no matter how, affect my life in the future...and its not a small effect either...
i started to question everything, why that,among alll other, I, have to deal with these...
i thought i was the unfortunate one...but i never cry then..i was still a steel girl,though my heart was scarred every where...
then,i was given a second chance to face 'the truth'( @@ )...i was lead by a neighbour and family/community friend,
and i began to find peace in the teachings...and i was happy to learn,'coz i was dealing it with 'resistance' at first,analysing,criticising(typical virgo..) and then look at it once again with amazement...
it was as if a new world has been opened for me...i found my route...(yup,you've probabily heard me saying that thousand times...)...
as if that's not enough,i've gone to realise more than that...(period. this is not a religious sharing!)
i just kept visiting the hospitals, trying to 'enjoy my every ride'....
'til i started to go without my dad or aunt maryanne (who,is also a nurse there)accompanying...started to 'explore' the building..you know,just in case i had to live there,i can still know something that i can do and enjoy...who knows...
( at first i was thinking,like, how many have to go to the hospital every time they get sicky, instead of the family clinics?)
every time gong there,i have to drink some water,to ease the scan(...again,speechless...) and i dont eat at home..my stomach too 'sour' to eat breakfast that early...
think of it,
you dont know what will the outcome be, EVERY TIME dealing with the 'surprise'...
reach there,put down the appointment card in the basket,waiting to be called.
(and i walk to the small shop there to buy newspaper and some biscuits, something that will make my heavy mood better.)
name called,into the room.
more pills(note:trice daily then, and the size and smell make me vomit)
'you can go home now,take next appointment outside'
i thought i was the unfortunate one i said...but i began to see it in a bigger view...
there are sooo many in the hospital,lying on the bed, worse than you!
and you!still walking talking and dreaming!
so how pitiful are you??!!
i began to savour and treasure every bit of this life...and others...realising how wrong i was too..
as if that's not enough(again), my mind's fog was cleared off,i saw sooo many others waiting in the same area with me...and many of them even worse than mine....but they are stil going strong....
and i even joke with my classmates that if they ever need to go to the hospital,i'll gladly show them the way to every department, telling them the procedure...(duh..stupid..choi!)
and i said,i 'enjoyed' it since i can see alot of HANDSOME trainees!!!(gasp!) (woops....stop it!)
and it was to the extend that,it wasnt pitiful and scary anymore...i even pass by the hospital every time i want to go to the mall or the other way round
(i even brought my friend through it, which they think, is soooooo insane and scary...hahahahah!!!)
A:wei,cant you take a different route?
me: you said want fast mah....
A:doesnt mean have to go through here lah!
me:you're in it already,anyway..*glee*
you know the way they pantang going through there without any related business? and how they have to bath with pamelo leaves or whatever afterwards?
(still,im scared to pass by the rumah mayat...
and i started to analyse the men outside the dewan bersalin..=D the wannabe fathers..hehe...
so jingen, never give up! =)